The Games: episode guide

Series One | Series Two

"Two years ago we made THE GAMES suggesting that the organisation of the Sydney Olympics was in some way amusing. We deeply regret this and have embarked on making another series to correct this impression."

Addressing the Troops

Episode 2.01
Monday, June 19, 2000

The organisers address the troops to bolster morale. However the team find themselves facing a hostile and unhappy group of workers. As John, Bryan and Gina try to duck and weave the curve balls thrown their way, John reveals his ten-point plan that will ensure a smooth Olympic Games for everyone.

With: Kim Gyngell as Allan Ronaldson
Special Guests: Michael Kroger, David Hookes, Linda Haggar, Fahey Younger, Bob Ruggiero, Angela Pearman, Ian Henderson
Also Appearing: Simone Ball, Tom Budge, Tom Smith, Freya Permezel, James, Jesse, Sean & Helena Ruse, Honey Bee Maver
Voice Over: Liz Jackson, Andrew Peters

The following are some useful guidelines as we prepare ourselves for this great task. Please keep this list close to your person at all times and refer to it constantly.

  1. Australia is a Bi-Cameral Monarchical Federation run by the States and with a right of appeal to the Media. The capital is Canberra. The principal industries are coal and the Olympics.
  2. If a visitor comments on the high price of accommodation or Olympic tickets, point out that due to strong economic management, the Australian dollar is roughly equivalent to the American dime.
  3. The reason prices seem slightly higher in some instances is Australia's exciting new GST. The long-term benefits of taxation reform far outweigh the relatively minor inconvenience of paying $6.50 for a cup of coffee.
  4. If you are with a visitor in a traffic jam in Sydney, say: "This is very unusual. A truck must have tipped over".
  5. If it rains during the period of September 15 to October 1, say: "Goodness me. How tremendous. A benediction for Australia's rich farmlands". If it hails, go inside or you might get killed.
  6. The Aboriginal population are a happy and largely nomadic people and while we are deeply committed to the improvement of their desperate condition, they are perfectly well. (You might like to mention Cathy Freeman)
  7. The name of the man who built the 100 metre track is Mr Jim Wilson of Acme Construction. He also designed and built the triathlon track, a wide range of high quality ticketing machines, the main runway at Sydney Airport and lanes 4 and 5 of the Olympic Swimming Pool.
  8. If anyone asks who is paying for these games, say: "No spikka de Inglish".
  9. If attending Olympic events, visitors should be advised to eat before leaving home.
  10. If attending the swimming, visitors should be advised to take a powerful telescope and a small supply of oxygen if they are above Row F."

Episode 2.02

Monday, June 26, 2000

One last internal check before we go on show to the world. John, Bryan and Gina have one final talk to the people who have worked so hard to bring the Olympic dream alive. (If staff haven't got details of this, it's in Room F16 at 7.30. You can park in the squash courts if necessary. No dogs)

Guest Starring: Paul McCarthy as Paul, Andrea Powell as Andrea, Gil Tucker as Gil, Katrina Milosevic, Duncan Aney, Simon Lee, Tim Schwerdt

Land Claim

Episode 2.03
Monday, July 03, 2000

The team has the logistics on automatic pilot at this stage. Everything is on schedule. There is very little that can go wrong now. The years of dedication and vision are about to pay off. And remember, these games are for ALL Australians.

Special thanks to: John Howard
Special Guests: Ningali Josie Lawford, David Ngoombujarra as David, Adriano Cortese, Randall Berger as US Ambassador, Dino Nicolosi
Also Starring: Andrew Percy, Sophie Laguna, Sandra Rucins, Tim Schwerdt, Robbie Maver


Episode 2.04
Monday, July 10, 2000

The team look after an IOC man from the States. Many hundreds of thousands of internationals guests will be here with us as we celebrate the games of the (whatever) Olympiad of the Modern Era. This is the story of just one of them, and perhaps one or two others.

Special Guests: Bill Ten Eyck as Bill, Jane Conroy, Carole Browne
Also Starring: Tim Schwerdt


Episode 2.05
Monday, July 17, 2000

Each member of the Games team must face an inquiry into their practices. The system of cheques and balances which operates in an organisation of this kind ensures that the public gets the very best service, open access to decision making and full recourse to the best legal system available anywhere in the world.

Special Guests: John Arnold as Dennis Hughes, Bernadette Schwerdt, Matthew King, Alan Hopgood as Q.C.
Also Starring: Tim Schwerdt

Pommy Visitor

Episode 2.06
Monday, July 24, 2000

Consistent with our duties as host nation for the Games, we welcome a visitor from the English bid for the 2012 Olympics, here on secondment. As in many other aspects of our relationship with Britain, it is sometimes difficult to tell whether we are helping, being helped or have simply landed on the wrong beach. Tonight The Games team must look after a member of the English Olympic Bid while dealing with Nicholas, who wants them to sell the furniture.

Guest Starring: Brian Lipson as Neil McPherson, Frank Magree as Furniture Warehouse Guy


Episode 2.07
Monday, July 31, 2000

Any potential "Aussie Gold Rush" at these Olympics can be expected to profit, as gold rushes in Australia have done in earlier days, from immigration. Freedom-loving peoples everywhere who yearn to start a new life in this beautiful country, should apply directly to the Minister for Sport, stating their name, event and shirt-size.
The Games team must deal with the lies coming out of the Minister's office regarding immigration.

Guest Starring: Matthew Green as Jack Hughes, Tammy McCarthy as Customs Officer, Ross Stevenson as Todor Stoyanov, Tim Schwerdt, Larry Lawson, Jeffrey Pacey, Tony Payne

Job Search

Episode 2.05
Monday, August 07, 2000

In the uncertain world of international logistics and sports management, prospects for the future must be considered carefully. Meanwhile, at sea, the piranha play happily in the afternoon sun.
The Games team consider what the future holds after The Games.

Guest Starring: Brett Cousins as Consultant, George Prataris as Kostas Dimitriades, Tommy Fitzgerald, Tim Schwerdt, Alfons Beutelschiess, Deborah Robertson


Episode 2.09
Monday, August 14, 2000

The Olympics offer Australia an opportunity not just to showcase our wonderful country and a range of endangered marsupials. The event will also bring to this country an international Cultural Festival featuring the very best in the visual arts, music and dance. There will also be some sport.
The Games team must try to avoid major industrial action which could ruin the impending Olympics.

Guest Starring: Andrew Curry, Dave Graney, Tony Martin as Jack O'Shea, Clare Moore


Episode 2.10
Monday, August 21, 2000

Head of Administration and Logistics, John Clarke, and his colleagues, Bryan Dawe, Head of Accounts, Budgeting and Finance, and Gina Riley, Marketing and Liaison Manager, are sizzling in the heat of the final countdown to the Opening Ceremony. As the Games draw closer, the Games team try to devise ways of supplementing their dwindling revenue.

Guest Starring: Matthew King as Sam Grahamson, Tamara Saulwick as Tamara, Katrina Milosevic, Tim Schwerdt, Phil Moye

Sponsor & Media Discontent

Episode 2.11
Monday, August 28, 2000

Would the person who borrowed the synopsis for this episode, please return it to the office immediately. To have this sort of thing happening at this stage is just an embarrassment. The whole world is watching and this is precisely the sort of problem we were trying to avoid. Grow up.

Guest Starring: Olivia Hamnett as Sponsor, Trudy Hellier as Sponsor, Debra Lawrence as Sponsor, Chris Milne as Bernard Milne, John O'May as George Birmingham, Damien Richardson as Delivery Guy, Leah Vandenberg as Leah

Four Corners

Episode 2.12
Monday, September 04, 2000

With the opening ceremony being beamed to a global television audience next week and with only 100,000 tickets left to sell and the funding shortfall now visible from the air, the Telstra Directory Service has just had a call from four horsemen.

Guest Starring: Peter Curtin as Mr. Cabsav, Kate Fitzpatrick as Herself

The End

Episode 2.13 (finale)
Monday, September 11, 2000

Unable to resolve her difficulties with Volkov, Elisabeth Bennett decides to avenge the death of Magwitch and to set the Pequod's course to Africa and find Mr. Kurts. John, Bryan, Gina and Nicholas go along for the ride.
The games team cope with the hype as the Opening Ceremony draws near.

Guest Starring: Betty Bobbit as Betty, Doug Bowles as Doug, John Farnham as Himself, Tony Martin as Barman