Quads!: episode guide

Series 1 | Series 2

Cripple Challenge

Episode 2.01
Canada: September 2002 (Teletoon)
Australia: November 11, 2002 (SBS)
Written by Brendan Luno & Anthony Watt

The Severed's miserable attempt at Funniest Home Videos inspires a TV Producer to create a reality survival series starring the disabled gang. Franny is included, ostensibly because women are discriminated against so much to be considered disabled, but it's really a plot to get lots of shots of her breasts. After much plotting and counter-plotting–plus outright vote-rigging–it is Franny v. Blazer to win the million bucks on offer. But the Producer has grander plans, and no desire to actually part with the prize money…

Note: Mark Trevorrow replaces Matthew King as the voice of Spalding.

Midnight Cash Cowboy

Episode 2.02
Written by Steve Sullivan

To enhance her social climbing, Liz Bromberg needs to have sex with a black man - and Fontaine is handy. Liz's associates then all want in on the action, and Fontaine is forced to choose between getting laid continually, and the dangers that he believes lay inherent in his prodigious sexual prowess–it did spark the Cuban missile crisis after all. Reilly is threatened once Franny starts being aroused by the new love god's activities, but it is getting him lots of action….

Let The Gimp Games Begin

Episode 2.03
Written by Hugh Duffy

Debbie Goldberg tries to use the images of athletes competing at the Disabled Olympics to inspire Reilly and company. It does inspire them - to stage their own Gimp Games to cash in on selling corporate sponsorships and endorsements. While Ricky the Lawyer is out winning pizza endorsements–"win a free Calzone!"–Fontaine builds the stands, and Reilly supervises the strategy (i.e.: cheating) to enable Blazer to win all events against the current champion–a nose on a skateboard.

Heaven Can Bite Me

Episode 2.04
Written by Brendan Luno & Anthony Watt

When Reilly's only good kidney fails–as the result of Spalding's special brownies—he slips into a coma and ends up on a guided tour of heaven, or God's Shopping Mall as St Peter calls it. Reilly has to confront his misdeeds and repent his sins. The Severed discover that neighbour, Mort Bromberg has a rare matching kidney needed to save Reilly—and they stalk him to get it! Reilly, surprised by the state of Heaven (it happens to be "Aussie Week"), meets God in all his glory–or, in this case, his slouch hat. Will Reilly finally be saved?

Features guest artist: Gary Files as St Peter and Matthew King as God

Gray Matter

Episode 2.05
Written by Ken Cuperus

Reilly has been cashing in the extremely dead Mrs. Venables' social security checks, but upon threat of exposure, he disguises himself as the old woman–then accidentally saves a baby and becomes a hero. "Mrs. Venables" is forcibly removed from the squalid living conditions of Maimed Manor into something more suitable–an Aged home resembling a prison camp. Led by Spalding, the Severed break in to free Reilly, but can only get him out in a body bag. Naturally, during the contrived funeral for the real Mrs. Venables, something goes horribly wrong.

Vacation To Lesbos

Episode 2.06
Written by Todd Thicke

Reilly screws up once too often by forgetting Franny's birthday, and then ogling another woman during the ensuing argument. Without meaning to, Franny falls into the arms–and bed of another woman. Spalding is supportive, and Blazer delirious–can he get in on some of this lesbian action? Although Reilly tries various doomed methods to win her back, it is Franny who eventually decides that her new lover is no better–spiritually–than her old one. But is Reilly worth returning to?

Trial & Error

Episode 2.07
Written by Jennifer Cowan

Blazer meets the girl of his dreams–and his dreams are bizarre fantasies–at a Rave. But shortly after–shock, horror–Blazer is arrested for her murder. Ricky the Lawyer turns out to be the best defense (their) money can buy, but when he's suddenly disbarred, Reilly takes over the case. And given that Reilly actually thinks the imprisoned Blazer is probably guilty… only the innate goodness of Franny and Fontaine may be enough to establish Blazer's innocence and save the day–maybe…

Cain & Enabler

Episode 2.08
Written by Todd Thicke

Reilly becomes the AA sponsor of the ageing heavy metal rock star, Flem Fleming. But Reilly is a huge fan and doesn't want to be a wet blanket to his childhood idol, so he sucks up to the rocker and ends up back on the booze. After an almost fatal accident causes Reilly to re-evaluate his priorities, he finally does help Flem dry up. Unfortunately, without booze, Flem turns into a cardigan wearing Las Vegas lounge singer. Has Reilly killed Flem's career?... Is it worth it?

Featuring guest artist: Tex Perkins as Flem Fleming, and the artwork of traditional painter Chris Thorne

To Slash or Not to Slash

Episode 2.09
Written by Jennifer Pertech

The Severed are scamming free lunches by playing extras in a "B" movie. Without permission, the Director takes the footage of Lefty–who is violently over-acting—and turns him into the star: a hook-slashing psycho in a horror movie. Suddenly he's the latest teen sensation "Slash Hands", and Lefty is mortified. But Reilly sees the opportunity for some big bucks, and–exploiting Lefty's ego and desire to perform–runs a series of half-baked plots to keep Lefty in the movies.

The Church of Reilly

Episode 2.10
Written by Ken Cuperus

Reilly invents a vision of the Virgin Mary in one of Lefty's omelettes, because he knows people will pay to see it. He transforms himself into a smooth talking evangelist performing in the Holy Shrine of Maimed Manor, but Sister Butch calls in the Papal Investigators. Reilly panics to try and protect the money he has made from his regular "faith healings", but Franny has already made sure that Reilly does the right thing. Poor Reilly.

The Magnificent Severed

Episode 2.11
Written by Al Schwartz

The theft of valuable rubies from Liz Bromberg leaves a trail of suspicion pointing directly at her neighbour, Reilly. Ricky the Lawyer plea bargains–striking a ludicrous deal that will see Reilly in jail for the rest of his life unless he finds the real criminal within 24 hours. He resorts to a Hercule Poirot strategy to reveal the real thief–thereby implicating all of his friends in order to save himself. It is left to Spalding in the end to bring some sanity to the whole affair.

Griz Savant

Episode 2.12
Written by Dan Signer

The Disability Centre is in financial strife, and to prevent moving to the Church under Sister Butch's tutelage, the Severed decide–upon Lefty's urging–to stage a talent show. It's as terrible as all—except Lefty—expected, until they accidentally discover that Griz is a savant on the piano, a gifted virtuoso. Reilly and the Brombergs vie for the possible riches this may bring, Debbie delights in performing tests upon the maestro genius, while Lefty is consumed with jealousy and plots disaster.

The Gambling Bug

Episode 2.13
Written by Andrea Gilles

Blazer's gambling addiction gets the better of him, and he manages to lose all their belongings, Franny's Van, and Maimed Manor. Reilly cooks up a half-baked scheme involving Fontaine and a heavyweight boxing bout in order to win it back, but as usual their plan backfires and they lose. But this time they lose Franny! Desperate measures are now called for–including aiding a series of Blazer attempts at suicide–but in the end Franny's uncompromising personality is enough to win the day.