australian television information archive

Let's Get It On

Episode 1.01
NZ: Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

Leighton Mills is a man on the way up — until an incident with too many glasses of champagne, a randy junior British Royal, a limo's back seat and a paparazzi photographer. Now Leighton finds himself diplomatic attaché to the nondescript villa that is the Auckland embassy of The Most Royal Kingdom of Fe'ausi.

Jonah, the ambassador, is a whale of a man with an XXL personality and a talent for scams. However, Jonah has an Achilles heel: his beautiful, headstrong daughter Leilani. Banned from The Most Royal Kingdom of Fe'ausi for her leadership of anti-monarchy stirrers, she has been sent to New Zealand. And when Leighton sees her, his heart goes badaboom…

Starring: Dave Fane as Jonah, Craig Parker as Leighton, Lesley-Ann Brandt as Leilani, John Leigh as Mick, Mario Gaoa as Malepe, Kayte Ferguson as Suga, Hannah Marshall as Kirsty

With: Natalie Medlock as Grace

Idiot Wind

Episode 1.02
NZ: March 17, 2009
Written by Sarah Nathan & James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

Fo'alafa Day, the Feausian equivalent of April Fool's Day, gets off to a cracking start with consulate 'babysitter' Leighton hosed down after a hoax anthrax-in-the-mail scare perpetrated by Suga, officially the consulate's tourist affairs liaison (but unofficially a bit unhinged and a lot scary).

Leighton's suffering is brought to an end only when the object of his adoration, Leilani, arrives and tells them to leave him alone.

Leighton then has the duty of reporting that Cyclone Joseph, which was going to miss the Fe'ausi Islands, has turned south and is heading straight for Ma'akiaveli, the capital city.

When Leighton reveals this to be a prank, Fo'alafa Day takes another turn. Jonah reveals that they all knew it was a prank — but that Cyclone Joseph has actually turned a bit south and is heading for Fa'a'fele, an outlying Fe'ausian island, home to a colony of lepers and the nuns who look after them. Now just who is pranking who here?

With: none

Tattoo You

Episode 1.03
NZ: March 24, 2009
Written by Dave Armstrong & James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

In an attempt to buy Leighton off with the baubles of power, the Fe'ausians want to make him the first ever non-Fe'ausian Aratika (high chief).

Unfortunately for them, Leighton has been reading his MC Hamer (the German anthropologist and expert on Fe'ausian customs) so he is only too happy to accept their offer because he knows being an Aratika will give him direct access to the King on matters where the good name of Fe'ausi is being besmirched.

Unfortunately for Leighton, Mick unearths an appendix to the MC Hamer which outlines the gruesome and humiliating rituals prospective Aratikas used to have to undergo. Jonah decides it is high time these rituals made a comeback.

With: none

Love My Way

Episode 1.04
NZ: March 31, 2009
Written by Tim Balme & James Griffin
Directed by Simon Bennett

Leighton arrives at the consulate to find it in the throes of wedding preparations for members of the Closed Brotherhood of Brothers, a polygamous quasi-religious sect, as well as Leilani's arranged marriage to Prince Toomai of the kingly Kingdom of Fa'akofa.

With: Jason Hoyte as Brother Jacob, Jonathan Brugh as Brother John, Robbie Magasiva as Prince To'omai

War!

Episode 1.05
NZ: April 07, 2009
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Simon Bennett

In the wake of Leilani's cancelled marriage to Prince To'omai, Fe'ausi has declared war on Fa'akofa. Leighton does his best to stop the escalation of hostilities between the two proud island nations.

With: Robbie Magasiva as Prince To'omai

Boris The Spider

Episode 1.06
NZ: April 14, 2009
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

The arrival of this week's diplomatic pouch in the less-than-capable hands of Niu — Fe'ausi's surfing legend — brings with it not just the usual contraband but something much more unpleasant.

With: Pua Magasiva as Niu

Climb Every Mountain

Episode 1.07
NZ: April 28, 2009
Written by Dave Armstrong & James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

For once it is Leighton who must try to save the Fe'ausians from their own greed, as they plan to sink all the money they have made from phosphate mining Kakapu Atoll into an extremely dodgy West End musical. Of course, most of the staff at the Auckland embassy of The Most Royal Kingdom of Fe'ausi get bitten by the theatrical bug and want roles in the musical, whose show-stopping numbers include, naturally, a big fat finale called Knocked The Bugger Off.

With: Paul Barrett as Lewis Moorecock

Strange Fruit

Episode 1.08
NZ: May 05, 2009
Written by Tim Balme & James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

The annual Frangipani Festival showcase of Pacific Island culture gives Leighton the chance to book his ticket out of his Fe'ausian consulate hell.

With: none

Chain of Fools

Episode 1.09
NZ: May 12, 2009
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

An anti-whaling protestor chains herself to the consulate gates; meanwhile, out the back of the consulate in Mick's hiding shed, there are many cans of corned whale waiting to be exported to Japan.

With: Sarah Owen as Janice

Graceland

Episode 1.10
NZ: May 19, 2009
Written by Geoff Houtman & James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

Leighton gets a blast from the past as Princess Grace — the reason he was consigned to the Fe'ausian consulate — drops in for a surprise visit after coming out of her latest stint of rehab.

With: Natalie Medlock as Grace, Sierra Reed as Malepe's Dream Girl

Note: guest star Sierra Reed appeared on the 18th season of the American reality series Survivor

All Eyez On Me

Episode 1.11
NZ: May 26, 2009
Written by Joss King & James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

Jonah has a hot new woman in his life — Svetlana. But Is Jonah being played, and has he become the victim of a honey trap?

With: Michelle Langstone as Svetlana, Murray Keane as Marton

Food For Thought

Episode 1.12
NZ: June 02, 2009
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

There is terrible news, the King has listened to the evil Royal Nutritionist and has gone on a diet — which means that every Fe'ausian must go on the same diet — and it's Vegan. Jonah and Leighton wager future aid to Fe'ausi on their ability to adhere to the new diet.

With: none

Spy in the House of Love

Episode 1.13 (finale)
NZ: June 09, 2009
Written by James Griffin
Directed by Murray Keane

The War on Terror comes to Fe'ausi as Bumabuma Day, the Fe'ausian equivalent of Guy Fawke's Day, looms. An agent from the Security Intelligence Service contacts Leighton armed with information about Leilani's political agitations.

With: Madeleine Sami as Agent Bickler