Kath & Kim: articles

Kel Knight

Kath and Kim star Kel Knight, otherwise known as Glenn Robbins.

Kel & Brett—the hunks behind the hornbags

Richard Jinman goes to the mall and meets Kel and Brett for a chat about life and Kath and Kim.

You can sense Kel Knight even before you see him. He positively crackles with electricity thanks, in part, to his preference for synthetic fibres.

Dropping into a chair at an upmarket cafe at Melbourne’s Fountain Gate shopping centre, Knight looks tanned, relaxed and fit. He’s even more of a hunk-o-spunk in the flesh than he appears on television—a walking advertisement for the Ski-Time Buttock and Thigh Toner.

Kel has an opinion on everything and he isn’t afraid to share it. If the subject is meat, barbecues or his glamorous wife, Kath, the words flow out of him like a lawn sprinkler turned to the highest setting.

Ten minutes later, Brett Craig arrives, slightly out of breath. He thought we were meeting at the Nutshack, he explains. Craig has got a lot on his mind at the moment what with baby Epponnee Rae and his IT career at Computacity hitting top gear. He acknowledges his “career projectory” is due almost entirely to Kim, his lovely wife. He’s very much the Captain to her Tennille.

Kel and Brett order coffee and lamingtons and we get down to business. Finally, an exclusive chat with the “It Blokes of Australian television”. A rare chance to find out how these two unassuming men cope with fame, adulation and marriage to the nation’s horniest hornbags.

THE AGE: Gentlemen, thanks for agreeing to this exclusive interview. Do you remember when the two of you first met?

KEL KNIGHT: I’m not sure but I think it was a barbecue at Kath’s (this was before we were married). I was hard at it over the hot rocks and Brett gave me a hand. I had the flipper, he had the tongs. We sort of clicked…

BRETT CRAIG: …I’ll never forget the look on Kel’s face when he first met Kimmy. She’s amazing looking, sure, but I think that Kel nearly cried. Mind you, the first thing she did was look him up and down and say, “Eeeewww revolting.”

THE AGE: Kel, what were your first impressions of Brett?

KEL: Kath says that Brett and I are ying and yang. I think that means we both like Chinese food. Brett’s a switched-on sort of guy. He knows as much about technology as I do meat. Never boring, always interesting. And we have another thing in common: two beautiful wives… not each… I don’t believe in that sort of thing.

THE AGE: Brett, did you hit it off with Kel from the start?

BRETT: Oh yeah. Kel’s a great bloke with a cutting-edge personality, plus A-grade sausage skills, I might add. What’s not to like?

THE AGE: Gentleman, give me three words to describe yourselves?

KEL: Happy, devoted, in love… sorry, that’s four, isn’t it?

BRETT: Luke. Warm. Water.

THE AGE: I know you have many fans across Australia but I’m wondering if you think Kath and Kim have hogged the spotlight a little? I mean, the show isn’t called Kel & Brett, is it?

KEL: Kath loves the spotlight and that’s fine with me. It’s a give-and-take situation. I mean, at my Purveyor of Fine Meats shop, I’m in the spotlight and that’s fine with her. I can honestly say that fame would never come between us… and neither would my sausages.

BRETT: Kel and I singing Lady Bump at the AFL grand final? I don’t think so. No, Kimmy and Mrs D have handled the situation with total class and poise. All we can do is sit back and watch our hornbags weave their magic.

THE AGE: How have your lives changed as a result of the show?

BRETT: Not at all really. People have always laughed at Kimmy and me when we’ve been down at the shops or out and about.

THE AGE: Now that you’ve become national celebrities can you imagine leaving Fountain Gate? Isn’t it the dream of so many successful Melburnians to pack up and move to Sydney?

KEL: Our roots are well and truly in Melbourne and always will be.

BRETT: Sydney looks great on the telly, on Home and Away and stuff, but Cujo (the family dog) doesn’t travel well. She tends to get a bit disorientated and aggressive once she’s out of Fountain Gate. Same applies to Kim, really.

THE AGE: Kel, you’ve influenced the way a lot of Australian men dress. How would you describe your look?

KEL: I like to stay in touch. Now that I’m a married man I have to “team with the theme”, as Kath would say. For special occasions, Kath makes a selection and lays it on the bed while I’m in the shower. She’s great like that. Her selections are fetching, eye-catching and smart, all at the same time. And that’s what I’m aiming for.

THE AGE: Brett, would you say you’re less interested in fashion and personal grooming than Kel?

BRETT: Fair chance, yeah. But just look at the fashion photo shoot we did for you—what’s the point of competing with Kel. He blows me out of the water.

THE AGE: In some ways, Australia knows little about your lives. Kel, being a gourmet-butcher extraordinaire, what attracted you to meat?

KEL: I’ve loved sausages since I was a kid. I just feel good with a load of sausage mince in my hand. I guess I’m just lucky that I’ve found my calling.

THE AGE: What’s Kath’s favourite cut?

KEL: Easy… chicken feet.

THE AGE: Brett, you now work in the world of high technology, at Computacity at Maribyrnong, but were you always plugged in?

BRETT: Oh, absolutely, anything electronic I’ve always loved. As a teenager you could always find me in my bedroom at home tinkering with my bits.

THE AGE: Kel, you make no secret of your satisfying sex life. What are your feelings about the efficacy of Viagra?

KEL: Viagra is not a four-letter word, if you know what I mean. Kath’s shoulder pads are all I need… End of story.


Kim’s husband Brett, aka Peter Rowsthorn.

THE AGE: Brett, what have you learned from Kel about the art of love?

BRETT: Heaps. Way too much really. Kel might describe a certain move and because we’re sometimes in the room next door you can hear it being put into action. Pretty disturbing really…

THE AGE: So what makes a great suburban lover?

BRETT: Luck and a dozen Russkies.

THE AGE: Kel, name the one special song that gets you and your lady in the mood.

KEL: Wind Beneath My Wings is very special for Kath and I. We’re a perfect combo. If Kath’s got the wings I’ve got the wind.

BRETT: That’s another tough one ‘cos due to Kimmy’s vicious mood swings it can get pretty tricky choosing a special song. But I do sometimes strike it lucky if I put on one of the excellent Hooked On series. You know the ones, Hooked on Classics, Hooked on Pop, Hooked on Polka…

THE AGE: Here’s a tricky one. Do you consider yourself metrosexuals?

KEL: I’m not sure what metrosexual means. But I am very metro. For example, I’ve got two Melways, one in the car and one at work for home deliveries and I’m very sexual (though not on the job). So I guess that means I’m a metro sexual.

BRETT: No, not me. I’ve always been pretty shy about having sex on transport.

THE AGE: Brett, Kim’s a nationally renowned hornbag, obviously, but are you turned on by her mind as well as her body?

BRETT: Her mind wins hands down every time. Her body is a distant second.

THE AGE: Brett, there’s been industry gossip that you once tried to take out an AVO (apprehended violence order) on Kim. Is that true?

BRETT: Yeah, it’s true. Kim was really nice to me for two days straight and I thought there was something seriously up.

THE AGE: It must be hard living with the cameras in your face every day. Are there moments you don’t want to share with your fellow Australians?

BRETT: Yeah, plenty, but they just show it anyway.

THE AGE: Right, let’s get really personal. Everyone has temptations in their life. Have there been times when either of you has been tempted to stray?

KEL: Hey, why go out for hamburger, when you’ve got fillet at home. (Having said that my premium diet mince does make a very nice rissole.)

THE AGE: Brett, please accept our congratulations on becoming a dad to Epponnee Rae. Had you been hoping for a boy or a girl?

BRETT: Didn’t matter as long as it looks like Kimmy.

THE AGE: Here’s a hypothetical question, Brett. If you were sent to a desert island and could only take Kim or your dog, Cujo, which would you choose?

BRETT: Wow, that’s tough. Probably Kim ‘cos she’ll live longer.

THE AGE: Is it true, as high-profile Melburnians, that you’re going to be the official mascots at the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games?

BRETT: Bretty Bunyip and Kel Koala… Sounds like hoo-ha to me.

KEL: But Kath does have some very interesting outfits that she likes to dress up in for me at home. Mind you, they’re a little on the sexy side. She’s just finished a TAFE course in some sort of costume design. I’m sure she could throw a terrific little number together for 2006.

THE AGE: Are you going to continue your television careers after Kath & Kim ends?

BRETT: Not me. No way. But Kimmy? Without a doubt. Hopefully there’ll be a management role for me.

THE AGE: Who are the Australian men you most admire?

BRETT: Mark Waugh, Steve Waugh, silverchair.

KEL: Kath and I both love Ian Hewitson…We just love what he does with meat.

THE AGE: And finally, guys. Can you imagine your lives without Kath and Kim?

KEL: No way, Jose!

BRETT: I’m sure if Kimmy left (again!) I’d be devastated for days. But I’m a pretty tough guy. I’d probably push through it and end up incredibly happy with Cujo and someone else.

Kath & Kim screens on ABC TV, Thursdays at 8.30 pm.

By Richard Jinma
Photos: Simon Schluter
October 16, 2004
The Age